Speaking of pity parties
Well, yep, I’m on the roller coaster of emotions right now, and right now just finished riding that train DOWN!!
I feel so lost, and not just with my diet, but with my life.
Maybe I dream too much, maybe I have too much ambition, or ambition for the wrong things (like retiring early!)
I keep wanting to train for jobs, but I don’t want to do any of them, I find work so dreadfully boring after just a few weeks in any new job, and I’ve had some of the best jobs in the world (like cruise ships).
And I know I sound like a baby right now, and maybe I just need to ’suck it up’, but it’s not my fault I was raised in this annoying generation told that I could find “fulfilling work” or “work I would love’ and I’m left searching for that and just find it so hard to accept that the only “real” option is another 30 years of ‘drudgery’ so that I can what, pay the bills, have a house, etc? Is this IT??? Oh boy, I can’t wait for the collection of tiny “glimmers” of joy that might intersperse my otherwise dreary existence. Yeah!
And then, when I get like this, when I feel like “what’s the point”, when I look for new jobs, or new training and see that to do something I prefer I’ll need to drop my salary IN HALF!!! or even more, well, it’s depressing and the food goes out the window.
So, yeah, I guess I am having a pity party and I’m not sure what the rest of you might say to this? I guess it’s hard to try and invest in a future that you just don’t see. It’s hard to push yourself, eat that “lovely” spinach (when you want the fucking chocolate), when you just don’t even have the motivation to WANT to be anything. When you just don’t GET how people get out of bed everyday and go to work and somehow convince themselves that they are feeling happy! Or, what it the chemical change or personal growth that I need to do to no longer HATE my job and just be happy. Is it really just being positive? I try to work on that, I do, and I know it’s some elusive secret that some people just magically have, and they can fall in a pool of shit (literally, I read this once) and just laugh.
Okay. I’m done. Sorry, thanks for listening I guess. Hope I have not offended, or worse, dragged any of you down with my wee rant!
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(((Samantha))) Rant away sweetie!!! We may not have the answers for you, but we are always here to listen!!!!
Thanks Trish!
I liked your rant, it was honest and I completely understand what you mean. I wrote one very similar recently about how I had lost my enthusiasm and have no idea what to do with my life and want to find a really rewarding job. Maybe I have too many opportunities, things other people could only dream of and I can’t realise how lucky I am and cannot decide what i want!
lol!
And as for the chocolate, yep, we would be happy, but only in the short term. then when weight goes up by living for the moment and eating anything you want it would be back to why don’t I do somthing to lose weight and i want to be happy!
So even though there are days when eating the healthy stuff and doing the exercise is more of a chore then a joy, we still have to try and do it, cause we know what the alternative is, and let’s face it, we’ve been there. we don’t that. Healthy and slim is more fulfilling than chocolate….most of the time
take care
Sam!! You know I love you girl, and I totally understand where you’re coming from. But honestly, I really think you’ve lost a little perspective. Instead of trying to mold your life into your IDEA of happiness, it’s MUCH easier to be happy if you find things that are already in your life to be happy ABOUT, and then focus on them, expand on them, like you’re growing your happiness base. You already have everything you need to be happy!
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had times like this too. Rant on….we are all here for you and like already said, though we may not have answers, we can listen. ((hugs))